Intellectually I know that a win-win solution is the best way to deal with problems. Emotionally, however, I prefer the win-lose method where I stand victorious over my opponent who agrees that I am right. Of course, having my foot on his chest helps him see the light. My son inherited this tendency and our clashes while he was growing up border on the frustrating/ridiculous side. We both liked to have the last word and we both wanted to win. At times I could be the mature one and disengage from this dynamic but, all to often, he would push my button and off we would go.
Once when he was about 8 or 9, I sent him to his room (which was across the hall from mine) and closed the door. I retreated to my room. He kept opening his door to say something and then he closed his door. This went on and on until I finally told him that if he did it one more time, he would lose his door. So of course he did it again and I removed the door.
About this same time, we had a conversation about his tendency to have the last word and he wanted to know what kind of job had the last word and I told him he would have to become a Supreme Court judge to have the last word. From that point on, his goal was to become a lawyer and then a judge. He joined the Explorer troop that worked with our city’s police department and attended the law magnet high school in our district.
Then he went to college and, for a variety of reasons, he became well-acquainted with drugs and alcohol. It was a dark few years for all of us but he came out of it with a new goal – a pastry chef. He is very talented and works hard.
Meanwhile I had a career change and now I’m the one in law school. I study and he brings me desserts to sample. Not a bad deal.
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