Changing places

Intellectually I know that a win-win solution is the best way to deal with problems. Emotionally, however, I prefer the win-lose method where I stand victorious over my opponent who agrees that I am right. Of course, having my foot on his chest helps him see the light. My son inherited this tendency and our clashes while he was growing up border on the frustrating/ridiculous side. We both liked to have the last word and we both wanted to win. At times I could be the mature one and disengage from this dynamic but, all to often, he would push my button and off we would go.

Once when he was about 8 or 9, I sent him to his room (which was across the hall from mine) and closed the door. I retreated to my room. He kept opening his door to say something and then he closed his door. This went on and on until I finally told him that if he did it one more time, he would lose his door. So of course he did it again and I removed the door.

About this same time, we had a conversation about his tendency to have the last word and he wanted to know what kind of job had the last word and I told him he would have to become a Supreme Court judge to have the last word. From that point on, his goal was to become a lawyer and then a judge. He joined the Explorer troop that worked with our city’s police department and attended the law magnet high school in our district.

Then he went to college and, for a variety of reasons, he became well-acquainted with drugs and alcohol. It was a dark few years for all of us but he came out of it with a new goal – a pastry chef. He is very talented and works hard.

Meanwhile I had a career change and now I’m the one in law school. I study and he brings me desserts to sample. Not a bad deal.

A-1

My grandmother quilted and crocheted her entire life. My grandfather created wooden toys for all of his grandchildren. My mother inherited this creativity. Some of my earliest memories are of her painting. My brother David was an artist. I have some talent and all three of my children are artistic. Here are some of my son’s creations –

He is a pastry chef for a high-end hotel/restaurant. When he lived with me, I loved to watch him draw out his ideas on his sketchpad. If you are a fan of Top Chef, you know how important “plating” is and it does not happen by accident.

I love this kind of art – it tastes so good.

Don't Walk There!

I love cemeteries, especially the older ones with great headstones. Growing up, we spent many Memorial Day weekends in the small cemetery in my dad's home town. My brothers, cousin Mike and I would run searching for the headstones with the little lambs and baby angels. My grandfather made a cement slab for one friend's grave and we would take turns lying on it. We kept a close eye out for my grandmother who would not have approved. She always warned us to be careful where we walked because it was disrespectful to walk on "someone." To this day, I still try to walk around the grave but in these new perpetual cemeteries, it can be hard to figure out exactly the pathway. I walk and hop my way through the spaces.

In the cemetery in my mother's home town, there is a small, rectangular marker, flat and even with the ground that reads "Poad Nash." I love that name and created this great story about some poor farmer who had lost his whole family to the "summer complaint" and became the town drunk. My maternal grandmother shot down that story by telling me he was just a hard-working bachelor farmer.

Also in that cemetery are the graves of my grandfather's infant brothers and sisters. I think there are five, six or seven buried there. My great-grandmother gave birth to one baby just a few days before the next older one died, only to lose the newborn a few months later. I always marvel over her strength to carry on.

My children grew up going to these old cemeteries as well as the one where my dad and brother are buried. And, for the three years I taught 5th grade, I would organize a day at the very small cemetery that served the early community our school was named after. The students studied math, family trees, creative writing, art with gravestone rubbings, and history surrounded by the dead.

I like to think I just passed on the love for these wonderful spaces. And, yes, I often found myself telling my kids or my students not to walk on there.

Reader'sDigest Mind

I grew up reading Reader's Digest. My parents subscribed. Both sets of grandparents subscribed. It was everywhere.

And it affected my mind. Besides developing my vocabulary and sense of humor, it caused me to be a plan-maker. Like in the event of a catastrophe plan-maker. Every issue contained a story about a horrific event where someone ordinary became a hero. I believed that if the horrific event could happen to one person, it could happen to me or my family and I needed to be prepared to be the hero(ine). I really can't remember a time when I wasn't worried about something horrible happening. Not that I constantly and only worried about "bad stuff" but I did think about things.

I still make plans. My kids laugh at me because I almost always have a plan A and, at least, a plan B. Without much effort I can develop Plan C.

About a year ago, I finally stopped worrying about scary stuff. The mental light bulb came on and I realized that I have been married, divorced, raised three children with all the joys and heartaches associated with that, found jobs, ended a career, started a new career, lost a brother and a father, started law school, suffered a psychic break, and survived a terrible car accident. I finally felt confident that I had enough experience "dealing" that I could handle whatever life threw at me. Or if I couldn't, I had enough people in my life who could and would help me. A 50-year weight fell off my shoulders.

I still make plans. Wouldn't want my talent to go to waste!

Baby love

This Big! And full of love.

Rainy Saturday

A rainy Saturday with not much to do is one of my favorite kind of day. As the day stretches out before me, I feel relaxed and peaceful. Unrushed.
A new book awaits finishing. Saved TV shows ready for viewing. My plants receive water without me doing anything and the temperature cools my home without the use of A/C.

This is the first Saturday that I have felt this rested and peaceful. Let the rain come down.

Six down, two to go!

Even though I have to finish my two papers, I'm still counting this semester as "done"! And not a moment too soon. It amazes me that I have only two semesters left. This time three years ago I still floated over the fact that I had been accepted to law school and this time next year, I will graduate. I'm going to enjoy this next year.

Beautiful

Dear NieNie,

If it is possible for a complete stranger to love another complete stranger, then I love you. We have never met and I only know you through your blog and your sister's blog AC. Being new to the blogging world, I was amazed at how clear and distinct your voices were in your blog. I have faithfully followed your recovery and CJane's life ever since. Your last blog truly touched me. I know your physical appearance has suffered great injury. What came through in your last entry and what infused all of your entries BC was the beauty and joy and spirit of your soul. You truly personify true beauty.

Love me.

P.S. If you have not read NieNie blog, go here - http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ and then try Cjane enjoy it.